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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, who has overcome numerous obstacles, which I admire. Yet, she's constantly blindsided by people. Her spouse left her, and it was an unexpected event. Many of her social circle drifted away during that time, as they were only interested in the spouse. It shocked her. She put in greater energy toward our bond, likely realised more clearly the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Over the years, many of her friends have drifted apart and she isn't sure why. Her last employer turned on her, even though she had been very skilled at her work, she departed not understanding what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Recently, both of us left the workforce so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play in our friendship is as the audience. I introduce topics of conversation only for her to redirect them to her own topics. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. My effort is to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She is arranging a trip abroad I have traveled to on several occasions even called home for some time. I tried to provide insights, however, my input not welcomed. She essentially only wanted validation of her plans. I have returned from four weeks in that country she hopes to reconnect, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want to be a friend that walks away without explanation, however, I feel she can understand the impact of how she acts on my confidence. At this point, I find myself in pulling back. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

One option is to cut and run, however, that approach is not often the easy answer we hope for. However, addressing it aiming for resolution takes courage and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining how things go in your conversations. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. Next is to express the way it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no dispute about this. Emotions are your feelings, naturally. The third step is to question ways you together going to change the pattern of your friendship."

Consider your friend has a point of view, thus requiring you to be prepared to listen to her. One effective method involves stating your friend:

"Please share your thoughts while I will remain silent for a set time."

This can be impactful in fostering better communication.

Key Takeaways

Your friend might reject everything, for those who hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a story regarding their experiences they're unable to release because their very survival is tied to it and it's all familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no thoroughfare with these people, just dead ends. Yet she could at first react like this then consider your perspective. And should you never reach an agreement, you'll have peace from having been open and direct.